If you have four husky puppies that you need to take for a walk, you'll never actually walk.
It's something about the number four, and something about huskies.
One puppy is cute.
Two puppies: sweet.
Having three puppies endears the walker to me and makes the walker cute.
Four puppies is clearly a surplus, which holds with it the promise--or, even more enticing, the possibility--of sharing. While it's plausible for one young woman to have two, maybe, if we're generous, even three puppies to keep for herself, the idea of keeping four puppies is preposterous. It's too many to take care of, and inconceivable that one person could glut herself on so much cuteness. Thus, walking four puppies translates as a clear plea for help, a cry to the sensibilities of pedestrians: save me from a purgatory of down-like fur, blue eyes, and floppy wet tongues. Come, pet my puppies, and maybe one will choose you, as the wand chooses its wizard. This makes me imagine an entire shop filled with puppies all waiting to choose a human, which is just so cute that I want to grab one of the four in front of me and run away, squeezing it to my chest while talking to it in a voice I didn't know I had until I saw the cutest thing I'd ever seen in your life.
The husky. Its wolflike appearance, reduced to an innocuous adorability, is reassuring. Puppydom puts these qualities under a microscope. I feel safe because of its size, and even more, its association with a more virile beast, but its carefree smile tells me "yeah, I look like I could grow into something capable of gutting you, but my worldview is so desperately simple that all I want to do is smile, pant, and taste the slight saltiness of your skin oils."
I saw this young woman twice within two days, and each time she tried to walk her puppies, crowds followed. The puppies loved it. She told each crowd that one puppy would cost 700 dollars. The puppies smiled and pranced. If I'd had the cash in my pocket I have no doubt I would've made the most impulsive buy of my life.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Neutral Mask and Greek Tragedy, Gaulier, The End of Part 1
"When I thought about it, I started to cry. He was right. I was pushing way too much. 'You push too much...' That wasn't just what was wrong with my performance. That's what had been going wrong in my life. I was pushing too much. And I'm so glad I asked him because he really will tell you and be honest. He will help you. Have you ever asked him to help you?"
"Uh...No. I guess not."
A month ago I met up with Charlotte, a friend of a man in my California mime class. She lives in Paris and is an alumna of the Philippe Gaulier School, which is why my mime friend, YT, recommended the place to me; he knew that his friend had gone through a life changing experience there and that the school was worth checking out. So Charlotte and I finally met for coffee on a Friday morning to talk about all of it.
"Really? You just leave the stage each time he says you're boring?"
"Yeah."
"You should really stay up there next time and ask him for help. He'll probably say no at first, but it's just what he does. Be insistent! He'll help you."
Yeah. Charlotte had a point. On stage a lot of the time here, I was too nice and polite. I wouldn't assert myself. Boring. And, just as Charlotte said, problems on stage and problems in life don't exist in separate vacuums. I have a tendency in certain situations to be so passive. I'm usually not a confrontational person. And this tendency would show from time to time on stage. And when the moment ended, and I received "it was boring, please leave the stage," without asking why or insisting on staying, the tendency revealed itself once more.
But I realized the difference; I never disagreed when Philippe said I was boring. I never disagreed when he said I wasn't having fun. He was right. So I didn't have a problem leaving because, like he says, when you're boring your time's up. Charlotte reminded me of something crucial though: learning and improvement require involvement and persistence. It's not enough to be there and do it. You have to throw yourself into it, and in this case, that means refusing to sit back down.
On the previous Monday we started the new class, Neutral Mask and Greek Tragedy, moving on from the more general and basic, but also scary and hilarious lessons of Le Jeu (The Game/Play) to incorporate Philippe's philosophy into this specific discipline. By the end of class that Monday I found myself in a familiar situation: I started off interestingly when moving with the neutral mask, and then when the teaching assistant removed the mask and I got to speak the text, I wasn't good. Myself and two other people on stage with me each got the classic "boreeng!"
This wasn't really a situation where I could challenge him, so at the end of the class, I went up to Philippe.
"Hey Philippe, so it's been several weeks since I've done anything interesting, and I was hoping you could help me understand why I've just been boring lately."
"Take your time."
"Yeah?"
"Yes. Take your time. Slow down--"
"Cause I feel like I've been crushing something. It's just not happening."
"Slow down. You are not bad. You have no big problem like some people. You just need to take your time. You're open, don't worry, but take your time with this...take your time to find the pleasure, to understand this all, how it works...let it be slow. You've got time. You're close to something. You'll find something good soon."
Philippe was different than during class. He didn't look bitterly at me from over his spectacles like he tends to do to everyone during class. During class, Philippe is his own clown, and he puts on a show. He finds joy not in crushing people's feelings, which some misunderstand, but in making an art of blunt criticism. It's in the word choice and the delivery that he finds the joy of his clown, not in the resultant grimaces or occasional tears of his audience of students. But now that class was over, he was earnest. He spoke quietly and looked through his glasses right into my eyes, and I smiled. Charlotte was right.
"Thank you."
We both left the room. Then I came back because I realized I'd forgotten to take my sweater.
This neutral mask work contains a tad bit of a paradox. As we were reminded, total neutrality is impossible to attain. It doesn't exist. It's just a concept. But like our movement teacher says, just as we must strive to achieve the speed of light in our space travel capabilities so that along the way we can make great advancements and at least get close to the perfect ideal, so must we work towards neutrality. In working to be neutral, we eliminate the tics, mannerisms, and other speed bumps that get in the way of our clear expression, and when we've gotten as close as we can get to being neutral, we'll be left with what we'll never in our lives be able to discard: our selves. We'll see the core. We'll see what we've been covering for years, burying under acquired behavior and personal misperceptions. What we'll find is what makes us who we are as people and thus what we have to share as performers.
Many of the exercises in neutral mask are pretty much the same; we get up on stage in groups of four or five, put on the neutral masks, Philippe puts on some orchestral music, and we move. It was often walking slowly or starting on the ground, waking up, and standing and moving with the music. By the end of the first week, we started to incorporate text, but not before spending a few days with just the masks. A funny thing happens when you put on a neutral mask; as soon as your face is covered, it's like someone's turned the volume dial on your body way up. He slouches too much. Her back bends a bit in one direction. He sticks his chest out. She lets this sag, he lets this hang, she shuffles, he jerks. Every oddity and imperfection sings out loud and clear.
So come Friday, it was time to work in the Greek tragedy text. We all worked with the tale of Hector's final battle against Achilles from the Iliad in our respective languages. English Edward "Beautiful Mustache" Rapley went up and Portuguese Pedro followed, with Brazilians Juli and Joao rounding out the group. The men put on the white masks and lied down on the ground. Philippe banged his drum. Boom...boom...boom. Philippe fuddled with his iPod for a moment, settling on Verdi. Regal trumpets filled the air, and it wasn't long before the music's bombastic crescendos, soaring horns, and mighty strings surrounded us with Verdi's storm. Edward raised his long limbs and rose up from his feet slowly, his eyes wild.
"SOOOooooo SPEAKing, he drew the SHARP SWORD that hung long and heavy AT HIS SIDE, gathered himself, and SWOOOOOOOPED to atTACK, like a HIIIIIGH FLYYYYYING EAAAAAGLE darts down to the PLAINS through the dark clooOOUUUDS to seize a tender lamb or COWERING hare."
Edward was soaking in Verdi's magnificent, torrential downpour, riding on top of the cacophonous waves that slapped the walls of the room.
"Like the loveliest star set on its path amongst the the stars in the darkest of the night, so shone the brilliant gleam of the spear Achilles held quiver in HIS HAND as he purposed DEATH for GOOOODlike HEKTOR!"
It was as if the elements themselves could no longer do a thing to contain their explosive euphoria at the sight of these two exemplars of the human form, these two men so perfect in their ferocity, concentration, and bodily mastery about to battle, that the very sky exploded and the seas did, too. The gods themselves had to not just recognize that their brilliance had been approached by a man, but revel in the incomprehensible wonder that it had been attained by two men, and that one of these men would do the impossible: kill the other.
It was one of the most deeply moving, stirring, rousing performances I've ever seen, and it couldn't have happened with anyone else; it was totally, completely, and thoroughly Edward. Tall, mustachioed, fiery haired, English Edward was the conduit for this shocking eruption of passion and furor, the announcer to the greatest boxing match the universe had ever seen, in a way that was just so Edward! And I guess that's the goal of all this.
I couldn't stop smiling. I was shaking. In this moment, my classmate had found something fantastic that the neutral mask work had helped to unearth, to excavate. I so wanted to feel this kind of power run through me that I sprang up when it was time for another group to give it a shot. I put the white mask over my face and lay down on the ground. My body slowly started to gyrate with the rhythm of the new, gentler, music and I found myself moving over the floor, rolling backwards over my head, and sharply sitting up. The assistant took off my mask.
"So speaking...he drew the sharp sword...that hung long and heavy--"
And I was cut off so another classmate could have a chance to say the text. It all ended with "boreeng!" None of us would be given the chance to channel something like Edward did. And I couldn't disagree.
It took a few more weeks, but at the beginning of the end, something finally happened. I was working on one of Jason's speeches from Medea, when he curses her for killing their children and destroying his life. At this point we began without masks, doing movement on the ground as an element or a material until we felt the impulse to speak. I chose hot oil as my material and rock as my element.
My limbs began to shake and writhe and bounce, and my trunk, and my head, and then I started the text.
"You LOATHSOME creature, hateful beyond all other women, to ME, to the GODS, and to the WHOLE...HUMAN...RACE! You have had the RUTHLESSNESS to drive A SWORD into the CHILDREN WHOM YOU--"
"Sank you, zat eez enough," Philippe banged on his drum.
"Like ee just did, is zere a single woman een zis class, oo would fuck eem? Would anyone in ere fuck Avery de la sol [Philippe's nickname for me having to do with some region of France]? I'm not saying een life, but on stage? No? No...no. None, Avery. Sad. You see, like zat, you are unfuckable. You are too agressive, loud, eet is ugly. Not good. Bon. Go put on a suit like a banker and come back."
Bertrand happened to have a suit that happened to fit me (and became the go-to suit for everyone in the class and fit all of us for some reason even though we're different sized people) and I borrowed Ric's black turtleneck sweater and Tom's black shoes.
"Bon. Go to ze back of ze room. Now, slowly, walk towards us. Look een a mirror. Put on aftershave, while telleeng yourself, 'Avery de la sol, you are beautiful.' Smile at yourself. You want to seduce someone. When I bang ze drum, tell yourself you are beautiful."
Slowly, I walked towards the class, smiling at my imaginary reflection while rubbing aftershave into my face.
Boom.
"Avery, you are beautiful--"
"NO! I said 'Avery de la sol, you are beautiful!' Do as I say!"
"Sorry."
BOOM.
"Avery de la sol, you are beautiful."
"Now slowly, Avery de la sol, sing us cowboy song. When I heet drum, say you are beautiful."
I kept rubbing my face, smiling, and started to sing.
"Rocky Racoon...fell back in his room...only to find...Gideon's bible."
BOOM.
"Avery de la sol, you are beautiful...Rocky had come...equipped with a gun...to shoot off the legs...of his rival."
BOOM.
"Avery de la sol, you are beautiful...His rival it seems...had broken his dreams...by stealing the girl...of his fancy."
"Now slowly, say your text."
I fixed my gaze on Irene, the Italian from a German speaking town in Italy that was Austrian before World War I. The week before she had done an incredible Electra in the style of the fuhrer. It wasn't terribly hard to imagine her ruthlessly killing my children. My body was still and I looked her in the eyes, smiling.
"You loathsome creature, hateful beyond all other women--"
"Shut up."
...
"Speak."
"To the gods, to me--"
"Shut up."
...
"Speak."
"and to the whole human race."
"Now slowly put your 'and in your pocket. Keep looking at ze fascist [Philippe's nickname for Irene]. You 'ave a gun. Take eet out fast and aim."
I pulled my hand out of my pocket and aimed it, as a gun, at Irene.
"Speak."
"You have had the ruthlessness to drive a sword--"
BOOM.
"Avery de la sol, you are beautiful...into the children whom you bore."
"Shut up. You can shoot 'er, ten times, making a sound each time like ze gun. Zen talk a beet."
"You have destroyed me and left me childless! Psshhoo...pshoo...pshoo...pshoo...pshoo...pshoo......pshoo...pshoo......pshoo....pshoo...pshoo."
"Did I say eleven? Did I?"
"No."
"Zen why'd you shoot 'er eleven times?"
"I wanted to be sure."
"Good. Continue, still aiming ze gun. When I bang ze drum, sing a Frank Sinatra song."
"You have done these things, and you can you look upon the sun, and the earth, YOU, cruel perpetrator of the most unholy--"
BOOM.
"Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars. Let me see what Spring is like on, Jupiter and Mars."
"Speak."
"the most unholy of all deeds. My curse on you. Mind is clear now, but it was not clear when--"
BOOM.
"In other words, hold my hand. In other words, darling kiss me."
"Speak slowly, and shoot 'er again."
"I took you from your home in a barbarian land...pshoo...pshoo...pshoo...pshooo...to a house in Greece...pshoo...pshoo...pshooo...disaster that you are, traitor to your father...pshoo...pshoo...pshoooo...and the land that nurtured you. The gods have launched on me the curse which should have punished you--"
BOOM.
"Fly me to the moon...and let me play among the stars...let me see what life is like on...Jupiter and Mars."
"Speak."
"Swooping down on me. It was after killing your brother at your hearth that you embarked on the Argo, the fair-prowed ship. That was how you began, and then, after you had--"
Boom.
"In other words...hold my hand. In other words...darling kiss me. Fill my heart with song and let me play forever more--"
"Shut up. Keep ze gun aimed......Look at 'er.......Slowly put down ze gun, and leave."
I did.
BOOM.
"Bon! Like zat, we love eem, no? Like zat, you are beautiful. It is gentle, you share wis us, you do not poosh. We love you like zat. Eet is not all ze way, but it eez a good start. Eef you start zere, you will be good. Yes."
Come Thursday it was time to audition for the showcase, in which chosen acts would perform for all the students of the school and whoever they invited to come see the show. Each student auditioned with either a monologue or a scene. The morning was off to a timid start, as there were over forty students since the two sections of the class were put together for the audition.
"Anyone want to go third? Come on, there's no point in waiting. You'll do it eventually."
Jaime, the assistant teacher, wasn't convincing anyone.
"I might just pick names from the list..."
I got up and walked to the back of the room, facing the crowd.
Walking forward slowly, I began to touch my face, choosing a focal point on the wall, above the crowd.
"You loathsome creature, hateful beyond all other women to me, to the GODS, and to the whole human RACE! You have had the ruthlessness--" I drew my gun"--to drive a SWORD into the children whom you bore. You have destroyed me and left me childless! Pshoo...pshoo...pshoo...pshoo...pshoo...pshoo....pshoo.....pshoo....pshoo....pshoo....."
I lost sensation in my abdomen as my core collapsed on itself a bit, and my arms started to tingle. Something very weird was happening.
"You have done these things, and yet can you look upon the SUN and the EARTH, YOUU, cruel perpetrator--"
BOOM.
"Sank you! Well, zat was orrible, no? Bad. What happened, Avery de la sol? Last time you were beautiful. We loved you. Zis time you poosh so hard, you crumple your face, your body looks terrible...A shame. Today, you deed not want to be beautiful. Goodbye."
This was the first time I auditioned for a show and didn't get in, and certainly the first time I wasn't allowed to finish a monologue during an audition. It felt bad. Because he was right. But at the same time, it was liberating.
Towards that end of that Thursday, after Philippe cut off another student, there was a little protest.
"I want to be good Philippe. I want to be beautiful, I really do."
"Sorry."
"I want to be good."
"Look, if you really want to be good, you are an ass-licker. If you want to take something around the space and discover something, whether it is good or bad, then you are honest...You are young. You have time to be bad. But be bad with panache, with something special."
That was my problem. I wanted to be good. I wanted to impress. And as a result, I closed off and rushed. I didn't explore. I failed, but without panache.
And that's what I love. That whether you're "good" or "bad" at the end of the performance, no matter what, you can still have panache, something special. And that's what's worth striving for.
I came here four months ago having never been out of the U.S. and knowing pretty much no one except for the family I was fortunate to have here. Tomorrow, I'm leaving with a passionate love for a new place, and incredible friends from all over the world.
It breaks my heart that when I come back to study again at L'École Philippe Gaulier, which I inevitably will when I finish college, my friends will have already moved on. But nevertheless, I can't wait to pick up another phase of this adventure. This place is so worth coming back for. The lessons and the people...I love them. I can totally see how this place changed Charlotte's life. It definitely changed mine.
"Uh...No. I guess not."
A month ago I met up with Charlotte, a friend of a man in my California mime class. She lives in Paris and is an alumna of the Philippe Gaulier School, which is why my mime friend, YT, recommended the place to me; he knew that his friend had gone through a life changing experience there and that the school was worth checking out. So Charlotte and I finally met for coffee on a Friday morning to talk about all of it.
"Really? You just leave the stage each time he says you're boring?"
"Yeah."
"You should really stay up there next time and ask him for help. He'll probably say no at first, but it's just what he does. Be insistent! He'll help you."
Yeah. Charlotte had a point. On stage a lot of the time here, I was too nice and polite. I wouldn't assert myself. Boring. And, just as Charlotte said, problems on stage and problems in life don't exist in separate vacuums. I have a tendency in certain situations to be so passive. I'm usually not a confrontational person. And this tendency would show from time to time on stage. And when the moment ended, and I received "it was boring, please leave the stage," without asking why or insisting on staying, the tendency revealed itself once more.
But I realized the difference; I never disagreed when Philippe said I was boring. I never disagreed when he said I wasn't having fun. He was right. So I didn't have a problem leaving because, like he says, when you're boring your time's up. Charlotte reminded me of something crucial though: learning and improvement require involvement and persistence. It's not enough to be there and do it. You have to throw yourself into it, and in this case, that means refusing to sit back down.
On the previous Monday we started the new class, Neutral Mask and Greek Tragedy, moving on from the more general and basic, but also scary and hilarious lessons of Le Jeu (The Game/Play) to incorporate Philippe's philosophy into this specific discipline. By the end of class that Monday I found myself in a familiar situation: I started off interestingly when moving with the neutral mask, and then when the teaching assistant removed the mask and I got to speak the text, I wasn't good. Myself and two other people on stage with me each got the classic "boreeng!"
This wasn't really a situation where I could challenge him, so at the end of the class, I went up to Philippe.
"Hey Philippe, so it's been several weeks since I've done anything interesting, and I was hoping you could help me understand why I've just been boring lately."
"Take your time."
"Yeah?"
"Yes. Take your time. Slow down--"
"Cause I feel like I've been crushing something. It's just not happening."
"Slow down. You are not bad. You have no big problem like some people. You just need to take your time. You're open, don't worry, but take your time with this...take your time to find the pleasure, to understand this all, how it works...let it be slow. You've got time. You're close to something. You'll find something good soon."
Philippe was different than during class. He didn't look bitterly at me from over his spectacles like he tends to do to everyone during class. During class, Philippe is his own clown, and he puts on a show. He finds joy not in crushing people's feelings, which some misunderstand, but in making an art of blunt criticism. It's in the word choice and the delivery that he finds the joy of his clown, not in the resultant grimaces or occasional tears of his audience of students. But now that class was over, he was earnest. He spoke quietly and looked through his glasses right into my eyes, and I smiled. Charlotte was right.
"Thank you."
We both left the room. Then I came back because I realized I'd forgotten to take my sweater.
This neutral mask work contains a tad bit of a paradox. As we were reminded, total neutrality is impossible to attain. It doesn't exist. It's just a concept. But like our movement teacher says, just as we must strive to achieve the speed of light in our space travel capabilities so that along the way we can make great advancements and at least get close to the perfect ideal, so must we work towards neutrality. In working to be neutral, we eliminate the tics, mannerisms, and other speed bumps that get in the way of our clear expression, and when we've gotten as close as we can get to being neutral, we'll be left with what we'll never in our lives be able to discard: our selves. We'll see the core. We'll see what we've been covering for years, burying under acquired behavior and personal misperceptions. What we'll find is what makes us who we are as people and thus what we have to share as performers.
Many of the exercises in neutral mask are pretty much the same; we get up on stage in groups of four or five, put on the neutral masks, Philippe puts on some orchestral music, and we move. It was often walking slowly or starting on the ground, waking up, and standing and moving with the music. By the end of the first week, we started to incorporate text, but not before spending a few days with just the masks. A funny thing happens when you put on a neutral mask; as soon as your face is covered, it's like someone's turned the volume dial on your body way up. He slouches too much. Her back bends a bit in one direction. He sticks his chest out. She lets this sag, he lets this hang, she shuffles, he jerks. Every oddity and imperfection sings out loud and clear.
So come Friday, it was time to work in the Greek tragedy text. We all worked with the tale of Hector's final battle against Achilles from the Iliad in our respective languages. English Edward "Beautiful Mustache" Rapley went up and Portuguese Pedro followed, with Brazilians Juli and Joao rounding out the group. The men put on the white masks and lied down on the ground. Philippe banged his drum. Boom...boom...boom. Philippe fuddled with his iPod for a moment, settling on Verdi. Regal trumpets filled the air, and it wasn't long before the music's bombastic crescendos, soaring horns, and mighty strings surrounded us with Verdi's storm. Edward raised his long limbs and rose up from his feet slowly, his eyes wild.
"SOOOooooo SPEAKing, he drew the SHARP SWORD that hung long and heavy AT HIS SIDE, gathered himself, and SWOOOOOOOPED to atTACK, like a HIIIIIGH FLYYYYYING EAAAAAGLE darts down to the PLAINS through the dark clooOOUUUDS to seize a tender lamb or COWERING hare."
Edward was soaking in Verdi's magnificent, torrential downpour, riding on top of the cacophonous waves that slapped the walls of the room.
"Like the loveliest star set on its path amongst the the stars in the darkest of the night, so shone the brilliant gleam of the spear Achilles held quiver in HIS HAND as he purposed DEATH for GOOOODlike HEKTOR!"
It was as if the elements themselves could no longer do a thing to contain their explosive euphoria at the sight of these two exemplars of the human form, these two men so perfect in their ferocity, concentration, and bodily mastery about to battle, that the very sky exploded and the seas did, too. The gods themselves had to not just recognize that their brilliance had been approached by a man, but revel in the incomprehensible wonder that it had been attained by two men, and that one of these men would do the impossible: kill the other.
It was one of the most deeply moving, stirring, rousing performances I've ever seen, and it couldn't have happened with anyone else; it was totally, completely, and thoroughly Edward. Tall, mustachioed, fiery haired, English Edward was the conduit for this shocking eruption of passion and furor, the announcer to the greatest boxing match the universe had ever seen, in a way that was just so Edward! And I guess that's the goal of all this.
I couldn't stop smiling. I was shaking. In this moment, my classmate had found something fantastic that the neutral mask work had helped to unearth, to excavate. I so wanted to feel this kind of power run through me that I sprang up when it was time for another group to give it a shot. I put the white mask over my face and lay down on the ground. My body slowly started to gyrate with the rhythm of the new, gentler, music and I found myself moving over the floor, rolling backwards over my head, and sharply sitting up. The assistant took off my mask.
"So speaking...he drew the sharp sword...that hung long and heavy--"
And I was cut off so another classmate could have a chance to say the text. It all ended with "boreeng!" None of us would be given the chance to channel something like Edward did. And I couldn't disagree.
It took a few more weeks, but at the beginning of the end, something finally happened. I was working on one of Jason's speeches from Medea, when he curses her for killing their children and destroying his life. At this point we began without masks, doing movement on the ground as an element or a material until we felt the impulse to speak. I chose hot oil as my material and rock as my element.
My limbs began to shake and writhe and bounce, and my trunk, and my head, and then I started the text.
"You LOATHSOME creature, hateful beyond all other women, to ME, to the GODS, and to the WHOLE...HUMAN...RACE! You have had the RUTHLESSNESS to drive A SWORD into the CHILDREN WHOM YOU--"
"Sank you, zat eez enough," Philippe banged on his drum.
"Like ee just did, is zere a single woman een zis class, oo would fuck eem? Would anyone in ere fuck Avery de la sol [Philippe's nickname for me having to do with some region of France]? I'm not saying een life, but on stage? No? No...no. None, Avery. Sad. You see, like zat, you are unfuckable. You are too agressive, loud, eet is ugly. Not good. Bon. Go put on a suit like a banker and come back."
Bertrand happened to have a suit that happened to fit me (and became the go-to suit for everyone in the class and fit all of us for some reason even though we're different sized people) and I borrowed Ric's black turtleneck sweater and Tom's black shoes.
"Bon. Go to ze back of ze room. Now, slowly, walk towards us. Look een a mirror. Put on aftershave, while telleeng yourself, 'Avery de la sol, you are beautiful.' Smile at yourself. You want to seduce someone. When I bang ze drum, tell yourself you are beautiful."
Slowly, I walked towards the class, smiling at my imaginary reflection while rubbing aftershave into my face.
Boom.
"Avery, you are beautiful--"
"NO! I said 'Avery de la sol, you are beautiful!' Do as I say!"
"Sorry."
BOOM.
"Avery de la sol, you are beautiful."
"Now slowly, Avery de la sol, sing us cowboy song. When I heet drum, say you are beautiful."
I kept rubbing my face, smiling, and started to sing.
"Rocky Racoon...fell back in his room...only to find...Gideon's bible."
BOOM.
"Avery de la sol, you are beautiful...Rocky had come...equipped with a gun...to shoot off the legs...of his rival."
BOOM.
"Avery de la sol, you are beautiful...His rival it seems...had broken his dreams...by stealing the girl...of his fancy."
"Now slowly, say your text."
I fixed my gaze on Irene, the Italian from a German speaking town in Italy that was Austrian before World War I. The week before she had done an incredible Electra in the style of the fuhrer. It wasn't terribly hard to imagine her ruthlessly killing my children. My body was still and I looked her in the eyes, smiling.
"You loathsome creature, hateful beyond all other women--"
"Shut up."
...
"Speak."
"To the gods, to me--"
"Shut up."
...
"Speak."
"and to the whole human race."
"Now slowly put your 'and in your pocket. Keep looking at ze fascist [Philippe's nickname for Irene]. You 'ave a gun. Take eet out fast and aim."
I pulled my hand out of my pocket and aimed it, as a gun, at Irene.
"Speak."
"You have had the ruthlessness to drive a sword--"
BOOM.
"Avery de la sol, you are beautiful...into the children whom you bore."
"Shut up. You can shoot 'er, ten times, making a sound each time like ze gun. Zen talk a beet."
"You have destroyed me and left me childless! Psshhoo...pshoo...pshoo...pshoo...pshoo...pshoo......pshoo...pshoo......pshoo....pshoo...pshoo."
"Did I say eleven? Did I?"
"No."
"Zen why'd you shoot 'er eleven times?"
"I wanted to be sure."
"Good. Continue, still aiming ze gun. When I bang ze drum, sing a Frank Sinatra song."
"You have done these things, and you can you look upon the sun, and the earth, YOU, cruel perpetrator of the most unholy--"
BOOM.
"Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars. Let me see what Spring is like on, Jupiter and Mars."
"Speak."
"the most unholy of all deeds. My curse on you. Mind is clear now, but it was not clear when--"
BOOM.
"In other words, hold my hand. In other words, darling kiss me."
"Speak slowly, and shoot 'er again."
"I took you from your home in a barbarian land...pshoo...pshoo...pshoo...pshooo...to a house in Greece...pshoo...pshoo...pshooo...disaster that you are, traitor to your father...pshoo...pshoo...pshoooo...and the land that nurtured you. The gods have launched on me the curse which should have punished you--"
BOOM.
"Fly me to the moon...and let me play among the stars...let me see what life is like on...Jupiter and Mars."
"Speak."
"Swooping down on me. It was after killing your brother at your hearth that you embarked on the Argo, the fair-prowed ship. That was how you began, and then, after you had--"
Boom.
"In other words...hold my hand. In other words...darling kiss me. Fill my heart with song and let me play forever more--"
"Shut up. Keep ze gun aimed......Look at 'er.......Slowly put down ze gun, and leave."
I did.
BOOM.
"Bon! Like zat, we love eem, no? Like zat, you are beautiful. It is gentle, you share wis us, you do not poosh. We love you like zat. Eet is not all ze way, but it eez a good start. Eef you start zere, you will be good. Yes."
Come Thursday it was time to audition for the showcase, in which chosen acts would perform for all the students of the school and whoever they invited to come see the show. Each student auditioned with either a monologue or a scene. The morning was off to a timid start, as there were over forty students since the two sections of the class were put together for the audition.
"Anyone want to go third? Come on, there's no point in waiting. You'll do it eventually."
Jaime, the assistant teacher, wasn't convincing anyone.
"I might just pick names from the list..."
I got up and walked to the back of the room, facing the crowd.
Walking forward slowly, I began to touch my face, choosing a focal point on the wall, above the crowd.
"You loathsome creature, hateful beyond all other women to me, to the GODS, and to the whole human RACE! You have had the ruthlessness--" I drew my gun"--to drive a SWORD into the children whom you bore. You have destroyed me and left me childless! Pshoo...pshoo...pshoo...pshoo...pshoo...pshoo....pshoo.....pshoo....pshoo....pshoo....."
I lost sensation in my abdomen as my core collapsed on itself a bit, and my arms started to tingle. Something very weird was happening.
"You have done these things, and yet can you look upon the SUN and the EARTH, YOUU, cruel perpetrator--"
BOOM.
"Sank you! Well, zat was orrible, no? Bad. What happened, Avery de la sol? Last time you were beautiful. We loved you. Zis time you poosh so hard, you crumple your face, your body looks terrible...A shame. Today, you deed not want to be beautiful. Goodbye."
This was the first time I auditioned for a show and didn't get in, and certainly the first time I wasn't allowed to finish a monologue during an audition. It felt bad. Because he was right. But at the same time, it was liberating.
Towards that end of that Thursday, after Philippe cut off another student, there was a little protest.
"I want to be good Philippe. I want to be beautiful, I really do."
"Sorry."
"I want to be good."
"Look, if you really want to be good, you are an ass-licker. If you want to take something around the space and discover something, whether it is good or bad, then you are honest...You are young. You have time to be bad. But be bad with panache, with something special."
That was my problem. I wanted to be good. I wanted to impress. And as a result, I closed off and rushed. I didn't explore. I failed, but without panache.
And that's what I love. That whether you're "good" or "bad" at the end of the performance, no matter what, you can still have panache, something special. And that's what's worth striving for.
I came here four months ago having never been out of the U.S. and knowing pretty much no one except for the family I was fortunate to have here. Tomorrow, I'm leaving with a passionate love for a new place, and incredible friends from all over the world.
It breaks my heart that when I come back to study again at L'École Philippe Gaulier, which I inevitably will when I finish college, my friends will have already moved on. But nevertheless, I can't wait to pick up another phase of this adventure. This place is so worth coming back for. The lessons and the people...I love them. I can totally see how this place changed Charlotte's life. It definitely changed mine.
Monday, November 29, 2010
France, America, Just Some Experiences
This morning as I was leaving the gym, a man who looked to be in his late fifties, maybe early sixties, looked at me and exclaimed "hey, you're an American!" I was confused for a moment until I realized that Hervé (the French equivalent of Avery!), the man who runs the gym, must have told him. I smiled at Hervé who was sitting behind his desk and looked back at the man.
"Yes, I'm American! Have you been to the U.S.?"
"Yeah I love it!" He high fived me and squeezed my hand, clearly thrilled to be touching the noble digits of an American.
"Where in America are you from?"
"I'm from right outside Boston."
"Oh Boston! What a lovely city! It's so beautiful. Beautiful. Very cultured people. Great. And the chicks! They are so beautiful!"
I laughed and smiled and the man, whose name I never got, laughed louder and smiled wider. He adjusted his wide brimmed hat and colorful scarf.
"I lived in Manhattan a long time. Loved it."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah! You ever been?"
"Of course, I love New York!"
"Yeah, Washington Square. Great place. And the chicks! They are easy, eh? HA! American women, oh man. You know what I mean?"
He made a not quite so subtle humping motion towards Hervé's desk as he illustrated what he meant.
The guy seemed to have really enjoyed his time in the States.
"But America...it is sad now, is it not? People are unemployed. They travel a thousand miles to find a job and still can't get one. Your government is no good. The Republicans keep getting in Obama's way. He did nothing wrong and they're blaming him for their mistakes. It is bad. And the rich people get so much money! They look at the poor and walk away."
"Yeah it's definitely pretty unequal. I read that 1% of Americans have 24% of the wealth."
"Wow. Yeah I hope it gets better. Americans are good. A good people. They deserve good things."
A week ago, I met my friend Rachel at Place d'Italie to get dinner at a restaurant she'd said was great--Chez Gladines--and it was. We were walking by a commercial center when we saw an old man carrying several bags, dressed in heavy clothes, and walking with a cane. After a moment, his cane slipped, he dropped his bags, and he fell to the ground. He was still. Suddenly he began moaning and clutching his chest. His legs tensed slowly and released. A crowd formed around him. We asked him if he was ok and he was unresponsive for a few seconds. Then almost at the same time, everyone took out their cell phones to dial the police to get him help. In a mix of French and some words that to me sounded more like Italian or Spanish possibly, he loudly interjected.
"No! Don't call the police! Please! Don't call them. I'm Roma. They will lock me up and kick me in the head and send me away. Don't call."
Everyone lowered their phones and looked around at one another. After another moment, the man clutched his chest and moaned again. Then he was still and we asked him if he needed help. He started to try to get up off the ground. Some people walked away, but Rachel and I stayed, quickly looking between our phones, each other, and the man.
"Sir, do you need help? Are you ok?"
He didn't respond. Medical technicians came out from the commercial center and began to get him off the ground. He acquiesced. Once he was on his feet, they walked him into the building.
Several weeks ago, when my friends and I were getting on the RER train to head back into Paris after class at Gaulier, we were being perhaps a bit louder than usual. A man stared at us intensely with wide eyes.
"You speak English?!"
"Yes."
He continued to stare silently. I ventured a guess at why.
"You don't hear English too often on the train?"
"Never! Where are you from?"
"I'm from the U.S., he's from Australia, he's from Singapore, she's from Brazil, and she's from Italy."
"Ah. I used to live in the U.S."
I got up to sit across from the man, who was dressed in a suit and held a briefcase on his lap. He looked Russian to me and his accent wasn't quite like many French accents I'd heard.
"Where did you live?"
"Santa Barbara. I studied at UC Santa Barbara for two years. Got my master's there."
"Oh wow! It's beautiful there isn't it?"
"It is, yes."
"What did you study?"
"Environmental science. I worked in the oil industry for a long time."
"Oh, wow. But you don't anymore?"
"No. What did you think of the BP oil spill?"
"Uh, I was against it. Yeah."
He continued his intense gaze at me, unblinking. Not smiling. He didn't think it was funny.
"I think Obama waited way too long to respond and missed a real opportunity to do something about alternative, clean energies. He waited months! It was ridiculous."
Pause. He didn't respond.
"Where are you from?"
"France!"
Oh, that answered the question. Still, something sounded a bit bizarre, but what do I know.
"Where are you from in America?"
"I'm from right outside Boston."
"Oh, ok."
We chatted a bit about the States and he started to kind of avoid my gaze. The conversation came to a lull and he went back to reading his paper. I talked with my friends some more, when, after a few minutes, he interrupted me.
"Do you know what I think the world will resent America for for a long time?"
I hesitated. "No what's that?"
"Two things. The war in Iraq and the financial crisis."
"I agree with you. And to that I'd add Afghanistan, too."
His gaze started to get intense again, unwavering.
"But especially the financial crisis. Your country's problems have hurt the whole world."
"I agree."
He didn't really care that I agreed though. He had found an American to unload on.
"And I think it was so absurdly selfish."
"Yeah I agree with you. It's unbelievable how little the financial institutions cared about the effect what--"
"It wasn't just the financial institutions. It was your government."
"Yes."
"And it wasn't just the government. I think that every single American shares responsibility for this crisis. Every American."
Silence for a moment.
"Really?" I countered with.
"Yes." His death-stare continued.
"Why's that?"
"You all live in the system that created the crisis and did nothing to change it. You voted for the people who made it happen."
"But you really think every American is responsible?"
"Yes."
"But we had no say in what happened at AIG or Lehman Brothers or anywhere. And so many Americans were seriously screwed by this thing. How are we responsible?"
"Because you all did nothing."
This time, I started to feel uncomfortable and had trouble meeting his unflinching laser stare.
"And I think America is doomed."
"Doomed?"
"Yes. You're all in big trouble."
"I kind of agree with that a bit."
"I think within ten years, America will barely be a speck on the map to the rest of the world. You're falling. You'll be replaced."
"Who do you think will replace us? China? India?"
"No."
"Who?"
"France and Germany."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Wow, France and Germany?"
"Yes. And within fifteen years, I bet America will dissolve."
"Really. You think it won't exist anymore?"
"Yes. It will collapse. The country is too different everywhere you go in it. People can't agree on anything. Your government gets nothing done. Are you going back?"
"Yeah I'm going back in a bit over a month."
"You shouldn't go back."
"Well I already have my return ticket. And it's my home."
"Still you should stay in France. It makes more sense to stay in France or somewhere in Europe. You really shouldn't go back...America will collapse."
I looked in his eyes. We stayed there for a few quiet seconds.
"Wow. You really think so?"
"Yes. Believe me."
"Wow."
"I hope it doesn't, but it will."
He was so dead certain. The ride ended in silence. Then, when he got off, I extended my hand.
"Uh, nice meeting you sir. Good talking to you."
He mustered a polite smile and shook my hand. The laser gaze was gone, though.
"Yes, I'm American! Have you been to the U.S.?"
"Yeah I love it!" He high fived me and squeezed my hand, clearly thrilled to be touching the noble digits of an American.
"Where in America are you from?"
"I'm from right outside Boston."
"Oh Boston! What a lovely city! It's so beautiful. Beautiful. Very cultured people. Great. And the chicks! They are so beautiful!"
I laughed and smiled and the man, whose name I never got, laughed louder and smiled wider. He adjusted his wide brimmed hat and colorful scarf.
"I lived in Manhattan a long time. Loved it."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah! You ever been?"
"Of course, I love New York!"
"Yeah, Washington Square. Great place. And the chicks! They are easy, eh? HA! American women, oh man. You know what I mean?"
He made a not quite so subtle humping motion towards Hervé's desk as he illustrated what he meant.
The guy seemed to have really enjoyed his time in the States.
"But America...it is sad now, is it not? People are unemployed. They travel a thousand miles to find a job and still can't get one. Your government is no good. The Republicans keep getting in Obama's way. He did nothing wrong and they're blaming him for their mistakes. It is bad. And the rich people get so much money! They look at the poor and walk away."
"Yeah it's definitely pretty unequal. I read that 1% of Americans have 24% of the wealth."
"Wow. Yeah I hope it gets better. Americans are good. A good people. They deserve good things."
A week ago, I met my friend Rachel at Place d'Italie to get dinner at a restaurant she'd said was great--Chez Gladines--and it was. We were walking by a commercial center when we saw an old man carrying several bags, dressed in heavy clothes, and walking with a cane. After a moment, his cane slipped, he dropped his bags, and he fell to the ground. He was still. Suddenly he began moaning and clutching his chest. His legs tensed slowly and released. A crowd formed around him. We asked him if he was ok and he was unresponsive for a few seconds. Then almost at the same time, everyone took out their cell phones to dial the police to get him help. In a mix of French and some words that to me sounded more like Italian or Spanish possibly, he loudly interjected.
"No! Don't call the police! Please! Don't call them. I'm Roma. They will lock me up and kick me in the head and send me away. Don't call."
Everyone lowered their phones and looked around at one another. After another moment, the man clutched his chest and moaned again. Then he was still and we asked him if he needed help. He started to try to get up off the ground. Some people walked away, but Rachel and I stayed, quickly looking between our phones, each other, and the man.
"Sir, do you need help? Are you ok?"
He didn't respond. Medical technicians came out from the commercial center and began to get him off the ground. He acquiesced. Once he was on his feet, they walked him into the building.
Several weeks ago, when my friends and I were getting on the RER train to head back into Paris after class at Gaulier, we were being perhaps a bit louder than usual. A man stared at us intensely with wide eyes.
"You speak English?!"
"Yes."
He continued to stare silently. I ventured a guess at why.
"You don't hear English too often on the train?"
"Never! Where are you from?"
"I'm from the U.S., he's from Australia, he's from Singapore, she's from Brazil, and she's from Italy."
"Ah. I used to live in the U.S."
I got up to sit across from the man, who was dressed in a suit and held a briefcase on his lap. He looked Russian to me and his accent wasn't quite like many French accents I'd heard.
"Where did you live?"
"Santa Barbara. I studied at UC Santa Barbara for two years. Got my master's there."
"Oh wow! It's beautiful there isn't it?"
"It is, yes."
"What did you study?"
"Environmental science. I worked in the oil industry for a long time."
"Oh, wow. But you don't anymore?"
"No. What did you think of the BP oil spill?"
"Uh, I was against it. Yeah."
He continued his intense gaze at me, unblinking. Not smiling. He didn't think it was funny.
"I think Obama waited way too long to respond and missed a real opportunity to do something about alternative, clean energies. He waited months! It was ridiculous."
Pause. He didn't respond.
"Where are you from?"
"France!"
Oh, that answered the question. Still, something sounded a bit bizarre, but what do I know.
"Where are you from in America?"
"I'm from right outside Boston."
"Oh, ok."
We chatted a bit about the States and he started to kind of avoid my gaze. The conversation came to a lull and he went back to reading his paper. I talked with my friends some more, when, after a few minutes, he interrupted me.
"Do you know what I think the world will resent America for for a long time?"
I hesitated. "No what's that?"
"Two things. The war in Iraq and the financial crisis."
"I agree with you. And to that I'd add Afghanistan, too."
His gaze started to get intense again, unwavering.
"But especially the financial crisis. Your country's problems have hurt the whole world."
"I agree."
He didn't really care that I agreed though. He had found an American to unload on.
"And I think it was so absurdly selfish."
"Yeah I agree with you. It's unbelievable how little the financial institutions cared about the effect what--"
"It wasn't just the financial institutions. It was your government."
"Yes."
"And it wasn't just the government. I think that every single American shares responsibility for this crisis. Every American."
Silence for a moment.
"Really?" I countered with.
"Yes." His death-stare continued.
"Why's that?"
"You all live in the system that created the crisis and did nothing to change it. You voted for the people who made it happen."
"But you really think every American is responsible?"
"Yes."
"But we had no say in what happened at AIG or Lehman Brothers or anywhere. And so many Americans were seriously screwed by this thing. How are we responsible?"
"Because you all did nothing."
This time, I started to feel uncomfortable and had trouble meeting his unflinching laser stare.
"And I think America is doomed."
"Doomed?"
"Yes. You're all in big trouble."
"I kind of agree with that a bit."
"I think within ten years, America will barely be a speck on the map to the rest of the world. You're falling. You'll be replaced."
"Who do you think will replace us? China? India?"
"No."
"Who?"
"France and Germany."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Wow, France and Germany?"
"Yes. And within fifteen years, I bet America will dissolve."
"Really. You think it won't exist anymore?"
"Yes. It will collapse. The country is too different everywhere you go in it. People can't agree on anything. Your government gets nothing done. Are you going back?"
"Yeah I'm going back in a bit over a month."
"You shouldn't go back."
"Well I already have my return ticket. And it's my home."
"Still you should stay in France. It makes more sense to stay in France or somewhere in Europe. You really shouldn't go back...America will collapse."
I looked in his eyes. We stayed there for a few quiet seconds.
"Wow. You really think so?"
"Yes. Believe me."
"Wow."
"I hope it doesn't, but it will."
He was so dead certain. The ride ended in silence. Then, when he got off, I extended my hand.
"Uh, nice meeting you sir. Good talking to you."
He mustered a polite smile and shook my hand. The laser gaze was gone, though.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Cultural Value? Or Odd Person? Or My Ignorance?
From the moment I got on the RER train at CDG Airport with my mom's cousin Jeffrey and his daughter Alice to head into Paris on Thursday, August 26th, it was clear that I had arrived in another land with a culture vastly different from the one that had sent me here. Every day since then I've tried to better understand this place and its values, as well as the differing and opposing views held by Paris's diverse populations.
However, it's hard. When I observe a majority of people behaving a certain way in certain situations, I feel as though I can consider that behavior a convention of their culture. But when I see several people behave a certain way or hear several people say a certain thing or talk a certain way, it's not as clear. Does this thing this person says or does reflect on the culture in which he/she lives, or is this just someone's own thing they do? Am I thinking too much in terms of "what does 'this culture' think or do?" No matter what, every day I'm faced with lots of questions in just trying to make sense of what's around me.
Take for example, my kung fu class. Every class we practice holding stances for a long time so that we internalize the form and build up muscular endurance. When my kung fu teacher has several fresh red dots decorating the crotch of the pants of her white uniform, does that represent a French aversion to tampons? Or does it reflect back on the Orthodox Pei Mei Nam Anh Kung Fu School? OR is it the expression of a broader mind-conquers-body value of the martial arts, rather than just Pei Mei? How does she not notice? Does she notice and not care? Aren't periods supposed to be uncomfortable? Or has she just so transcended the plane on which her body exists that she can objectively look down on menstrual cramps with little more than mild amusement, smile, and descend deeper into the stance of the tiger?
As I'm in France, I often encounter French people, especially on the metro, but sometimes in classes, too. On more than just a few occasions, some of these people have smelled. They've smelled bad. A handful of those bad smelling people have smelled bad enough that my mind needed to justify it. Is there a bloc of French society that looks down on what we consider "cleanliness?" Do they define it differently? Or is there a recessive allele in the French gene pool that codes for a life threatening allergy to the water that comes out of a shower head? An allergy so severe in its attack that its sufferers are immediately thrust into anaphylactic shock upon even entering a bathroom? If so, must they shower with an epipen? Is it fair of me to ascribe this in any way to their being French? Or am I just aware of the stereotype and looking for people who fulfill it? After all, there are plenty of smelly people in the U.S., and I've never thought twice about attributing their odor to anything other than their own personal ambivalence towards soap.
Almost every day I give some money to homeless people. I just feel so guilty that I have it and they don't that I need to. I know a euro or more won't save their lives, but I like to think it can at least help, if not slightly renew their faith in the capacity of fellow humans to care. But lately, I've noticed something. In the last week alone I've seen at least three homeless men, either camped out in the rain or in the metro, cradling sickeningly adorable puppies. Puppies cute enough that you'd think they had been plucked directly from the pages of an ASPCA calendar. This also makes my mind enter that justification process. If there is a question chemical, it floods my brain, and if there are question receptors, they hungrily bind it.
"How much do puppies go for in Paris? That puppy looks pretty new--when did he get it? Moreover, why did he get it? Does the companionship of a fresh puppy improve the loneliness of a homeless life? If he's struggling to stay alive, does adding a puppy to the mix represent a wise choice? Is this even his first puppy? If not, what happened to the others? How much in donations does he receive every day? Without the cost of sustaining the puppy, is it enough to feed himself? Including the cost of the puppy, can he sustain himself? By what percent does the cuteness of the puppy increase his donations? Does it at all? If it does, will the increase be enough to satisfy his and the puppy's needs? Or is the puppy actually so cost-effective that it pays for itself and yields a higher daily donation for this man's own costs? Is it pessimistic of him to have bought this puppy? That is, does he believe that people are uncaring enough about other people that they can't donate to a homeless man unless there are literally sad puppy eyes staring back at them? In his experience, is this really true? If I don't donate to this man, am I now also responsible for the possible starving death of a puppy? Or can the puppy actually feed itself? I consider myself a sensitive person, but am I being insensitive by detaching like this to wonder about his situation and his motives?"
Sometimes on the metro, especially line 1, musicians come on and play for five or ten minutes, solicit tips, then leave. Usually it's an accordion player with a prerecorded accompaniment amplified through a speaker, or a singer with similar accompaniment, or several horn players. Very often, except for the singers, the musicians are really good and I almost always give them money to share my appreciation for them sharing their music. I'm nearly always the only one on the train smiling, tapping his foot, and swaying with the music. And it really is good music. On Thursday I saw a pair of men, one on clarinet and one on sax, play a fantastic version of "When The Saints Go Marching In" and an exciting rendition of the great old Jewish classic, "Hava Nagila." To anyone observing the situation from elsewhere, it would've probably appeared as though everyone on the train, other than this slightly tired and foreign looking unshaven guy (me), got the memo that Sarkozy had recently outlawed public displays of enjoyment. The men played on, seeming to appreciate my enthusiasm, while every other person sat still, staring into nothing while appearing to contemplate their dear old grandmother's slow descent into irreversible dimentia and the inevitable tragedy when the family decided it was time to pull the plug. Again, the questions came.
"Are these people so used to hearing great, spontaneous music in public spaces that now, it's just annoying? Or do they just not like music? Does "Hava Nagila" bring back horrible, torturous, repressed memories of family holiday parties gone sickeningly awry? Or are they all secretly having the time of their lives? And they're just afraid to show it because they think everyone else will judge them? Why don't we have this kind of public performance on transportation in the U.S.? Wait...do we? And have I just missed it?! If we don't, can I somehow make it happen? Oh, wait I've seen people in the T stations and the NYC subway stations playing music! But not on the actual train. Can that happen? Does it happen? If it can happen, do I need a permit to do it? I know you need one to play in the station, but what about the train? Do these guys here need permits? Do you audition for one? If so, then why aren't lots of the singers any good? And why hasn't the accordion caught on in the U.S.?"
For some reason, almost every thing I see here I try to explain to myself through the lens of my being in France, but I just don't think that works. If there's one thing all cultures share, it's smelly people. We've all got em. That may be the main lesson I take away from these almost four months.
However, it's hard. When I observe a majority of people behaving a certain way in certain situations, I feel as though I can consider that behavior a convention of their culture. But when I see several people behave a certain way or hear several people say a certain thing or talk a certain way, it's not as clear. Does this thing this person says or does reflect on the culture in which he/she lives, or is this just someone's own thing they do? Am I thinking too much in terms of "what does 'this culture' think or do?" No matter what, every day I'm faced with lots of questions in just trying to make sense of what's around me.
Take for example, my kung fu class. Every class we practice holding stances for a long time so that we internalize the form and build up muscular endurance. When my kung fu teacher has several fresh red dots decorating the crotch of the pants of her white uniform, does that represent a French aversion to tampons? Or does it reflect back on the Orthodox Pei Mei Nam Anh Kung Fu School? OR is it the expression of a broader mind-conquers-body value of the martial arts, rather than just Pei Mei? How does she not notice? Does she notice and not care? Aren't periods supposed to be uncomfortable? Or has she just so transcended the plane on which her body exists that she can objectively look down on menstrual cramps with little more than mild amusement, smile, and descend deeper into the stance of the tiger?
As I'm in France, I often encounter French people, especially on the metro, but sometimes in classes, too. On more than just a few occasions, some of these people have smelled. They've smelled bad. A handful of those bad smelling people have smelled bad enough that my mind needed to justify it. Is there a bloc of French society that looks down on what we consider "cleanliness?" Do they define it differently? Or is there a recessive allele in the French gene pool that codes for a life threatening allergy to the water that comes out of a shower head? An allergy so severe in its attack that its sufferers are immediately thrust into anaphylactic shock upon even entering a bathroom? If so, must they shower with an epipen? Is it fair of me to ascribe this in any way to their being French? Or am I just aware of the stereotype and looking for people who fulfill it? After all, there are plenty of smelly people in the U.S., and I've never thought twice about attributing their odor to anything other than their own personal ambivalence towards soap.
Almost every day I give some money to homeless people. I just feel so guilty that I have it and they don't that I need to. I know a euro or more won't save their lives, but I like to think it can at least help, if not slightly renew their faith in the capacity of fellow humans to care. But lately, I've noticed something. In the last week alone I've seen at least three homeless men, either camped out in the rain or in the metro, cradling sickeningly adorable puppies. Puppies cute enough that you'd think they had been plucked directly from the pages of an ASPCA calendar. This also makes my mind enter that justification process. If there is a question chemical, it floods my brain, and if there are question receptors, they hungrily bind it.
"How much do puppies go for in Paris? That puppy looks pretty new--when did he get it? Moreover, why did he get it? Does the companionship of a fresh puppy improve the loneliness of a homeless life? If he's struggling to stay alive, does adding a puppy to the mix represent a wise choice? Is this even his first puppy? If not, what happened to the others? How much in donations does he receive every day? Without the cost of sustaining the puppy, is it enough to feed himself? Including the cost of the puppy, can he sustain himself? By what percent does the cuteness of the puppy increase his donations? Does it at all? If it does, will the increase be enough to satisfy his and the puppy's needs? Or is the puppy actually so cost-effective that it pays for itself and yields a higher daily donation for this man's own costs? Is it pessimistic of him to have bought this puppy? That is, does he believe that people are uncaring enough about other people that they can't donate to a homeless man unless there are literally sad puppy eyes staring back at them? In his experience, is this really true? If I don't donate to this man, am I now also responsible for the possible starving death of a puppy? Or can the puppy actually feed itself? I consider myself a sensitive person, but am I being insensitive by detaching like this to wonder about his situation and his motives?"
Sometimes on the metro, especially line 1, musicians come on and play for five or ten minutes, solicit tips, then leave. Usually it's an accordion player with a prerecorded accompaniment amplified through a speaker, or a singer with similar accompaniment, or several horn players. Very often, except for the singers, the musicians are really good and I almost always give them money to share my appreciation for them sharing their music. I'm nearly always the only one on the train smiling, tapping his foot, and swaying with the music. And it really is good music. On Thursday I saw a pair of men, one on clarinet and one on sax, play a fantastic version of "When The Saints Go Marching In" and an exciting rendition of the great old Jewish classic, "Hava Nagila." To anyone observing the situation from elsewhere, it would've probably appeared as though everyone on the train, other than this slightly tired and foreign looking unshaven guy (me), got the memo that Sarkozy had recently outlawed public displays of enjoyment. The men played on, seeming to appreciate my enthusiasm, while every other person sat still, staring into nothing while appearing to contemplate their dear old grandmother's slow descent into irreversible dimentia and the inevitable tragedy when the family decided it was time to pull the plug. Again, the questions came.
"Are these people so used to hearing great, spontaneous music in public spaces that now, it's just annoying? Or do they just not like music? Does "Hava Nagila" bring back horrible, torturous, repressed memories of family holiday parties gone sickeningly awry? Or are they all secretly having the time of their lives? And they're just afraid to show it because they think everyone else will judge them? Why don't we have this kind of public performance on transportation in the U.S.? Wait...do we? And have I just missed it?! If we don't, can I somehow make it happen? Oh, wait I've seen people in the T stations and the NYC subway stations playing music! But not on the actual train. Can that happen? Does it happen? If it can happen, do I need a permit to do it? I know you need one to play in the station, but what about the train? Do these guys here need permits? Do you audition for one? If so, then why aren't lots of the singers any good? And why hasn't the accordion caught on in the U.S.?"
For some reason, almost every thing I see here I try to explain to myself through the lens of my being in France, but I just don't think that works. If there's one thing all cultures share, it's smelly people. We've all got em. That may be the main lesson I take away from these almost four months.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Clown at L'École Philippe Gaulier
Philippe Gaulier, founder, principal instructor, and all around guru of The Philippe Gaulier School, is the Dumbledore and Dr. House of the theatre.
The depth of his knowledge knows no ends; the man has been working for more than four decades and has taught and learned from some of the great artists of the 20th and 21st centuries. His former students include Emma Thompson, the founders of Chicago's 500 Clown Company, Sacha Baron Cohen, and countless other phenomenal practitioners of theatre arts. He is renowned as the best teacher of Clown and Bouffon in the world, and his faculty are brilliant (and incredibly limber).
However, Philippe Gaulier is also an asshole. He will not cure your ailment until he's insulted and ridiculed you and made everyone laugh at you for how "fuckeeng boreeng" or "fuckeeng idiote" you were.
Many of his exercises are designed to include an element of potentially huge embarrassment, and if they don't include embarrassment, the embarrassment comes when you receive your almost daily dose of scathing abuse.
On the first day we did one of his favorite exercises. We partnered into couples (there are twenty four of us in the class) and danced to whatever music Philippe chose to play from his iPod over the speaker system, and continued dancing until he saw someone look bored. He stopped the music.
"Which of you seenks your partner eez boreeng? Raise your and!"
Timidly, a few people raised their hands.
"Which of you seenks 'my partner eez like Adolf! My partner eez fascist! I want to kill my partner'?"
As we laughed, more people raised their hands and he began to single students out.
"You! You danced like you wanted a wheelchair!" he yelled at one girl. "It was awful. Awful."
"And you!" he pointed at me, "You dance like a gay man in one of zose gay clubs!" I started to consider taking this as a compliment since I think gay men generally move better than straight men until he brought it home with "eet was orreeble. Just so bad."
Philippe's insults very often demonstrate remarkable creativity. After a Portuguese girl performed an exercise, he posed the following question to the class:
"Does everyone ere know oo 'Salazar' was? Salazar? Salazar? No? Well years ago in Portugal zere was an orrible man named Salazar oo did orrible sings to peepul. Ee ad a secret police and zey would take peepul away in ze night and keel zem. Oo says 'Salazar's police did not keel enough; zey missed one'?" The point was taken.
Another one of Philippe's favorite exercises is his variation on "musical chairs" in which the person left out of a chair is given the chance to "save his/her life" by singing to everyone in a compelling and beautiful manner (while clearly having fun, the most important thing). After one student made a failed attempt to save her life, Philippe asked the rest of the class, "Do all of you know Pol Pot? Do you know oo Pol Pot was? No? Years ago zere was a man in Cambodge and ee did somesing orrible. But was what ee did nearly as orrible as what I just saw? NO!"
Philippe's working knowledge of genocidal dictators is impressive, and even more impressive is how frequently he draws on it when talking about poor performances. He also likes to compare quiet, powerless voices to a "leetle cat oo az lost iz balls and says [high voice] 'meow, meow, my balls, my balls!!'"
So how is it possible to learn anything from a man who so enjoys berating his students? How do I have fun? Well, honestly, his insults are usually hilarious, despite being sometimes borderline or full on racist and almost always really offensive, and personally, I find it refreshing to receive such horribly blunt criticism from a teacher, because that's something you pretty much never get in America, especially in the Arts. Part of what Philippe is teaching us is to laugh at ourselves and accept critiques without taking them personally, even if they're just incredibly harsh. And when he gives compliments, which is happening more and more frequently, they're very gratifying. "Not bad at all" is a good compliment from him, but to receive something like "you ad great fun, zere was a good complicité (I'll go into that)" is wonderful. And when he told one woman "zat was fantastic," we all clapped.
Classes are divided into two sections. The first hour and a half (2-3:30) is the movement/aerobics/acrobatics section, taught by Tomas, a Swiss-German dancer/acrobat/gymnast/unbelievably flexible and strong dude who is more sensitive than Philippe but is still very honest and quite a task master. For five or ten minutes we play games like six-square--like good old playground four-square only with six squares and one two-person team per square--or various "walk the space" theatrey things that make us run around and throw things to each other and jump and roll and generally just warm up. For the next forty-five minutes, Tom leads us through various stretches and aerobic exercises that loosen us up and make us sweat and tremble. He frequently introduces difficult stretches as "zis vun is a bit Nazi" or "zis vun is a Chinese-style exercise, so get ready, ya?" I've just accepted that in this place, things which people would consider "racist" or at least "culturally insensitive" aren't a big deal at all. At this point I know to expect pain whenever it's time for a Chinese stretch or exercise. Fair to the Chinese? Probably not. But hey, it is what it is. And for some reason the leg and back stretch we're supposed to do against a wall if we find ourselves in too much pain is called a "vegetarian cup." I don't know. It just is.
After we're all warm and loose, it's time for acrobatics. Day one we started working on handstands and headstands, and from there we've moved on to standing on people's shoulders, standing on people's hips, cartwheels, somersaults, backward somersaults, front flips, back flips, butt sits, airplanes, and handstands on chairs. The handstand is the building block of almost everything we do, so we work on them every day. I can do handstands and headstands against walls and against people, but getting up there on my own with no extra support still eludes me. However, I did successfully balance a chair handstand last week! That was one of the most incredible feelings I've ever had. Acrobatics has put my body in elements I've never experienced before and made my body do things I thought were impossible. The combination of mime, kung fu, and acrobatics is a phenomenal one and every day I find that something I did in one class helps me do something I'm doing in another. It's very exciting for me to see that so many physical limitations I thought I had are really psychological, and that through work, I can overcome them. It just takes work and patience and the humility to ask for help.
After Tom's class we have a fifteen minute break and then Philippe. We usually start Philippe's class with "Simon/Samuel Says" or the partner dancing kill boring people game, but lately it's mostly been Simon or Samuel Says. After we play the game for 45 seconds to a minute, Philippe stops and asks who has made an error. If you did something wrong, you have to ask for kisses from your classmates, however many you want, and if any of them say no, then you must walk to the front of the class to where Philippe stands, and he performs the torture ritual, where he grabs and twists your arm behind your back, then gives you a "French shampoo" which is just rubbing your hair, then "ze guillotine" with his hand, then "ze Guantanamo" which is him pushing your thumb down into your hand really hard. After one more round, we're usually done, but ONLY if he says "simon says ze game is over," otherwise all the students who prematurely moved to sit back down must line up against the wall to be either kissed or slapped by their more intelligent classmates.
Then, the exercises, which are really more games than exercises. All are geared towards establishing "complicité" or, complicity, with the scene partner, and having fun and sharing it with the audience. That is the basic thing of this school's philosophy, as can be seen in everything that Sacha Baron Cohen has ever done. Have fun, share it, and be willing to do anything. The complicity especially is huge. There needs to be connection with the scene partner. Or else, for all intents and purposes, you're alone. And if there's another person on stage but you're performing like you would if you were alone, ya look like a dumbass.
My two favorite exercises so far (partly because I got compliments from Philippe when I did them but mostly because I had lots of fun, which I guess is WHY I got compliments) were things we did last week. The first, which we did last Monday, was another complicité exercise, as well as a tool to work on "acting in major." Philippe talks a lot about how an actor can act in major or minor. An actor in major commands the stage and shares pleasure with all the spectators, while an actor in minor quietly and attentively listens and supports the actor in major. In this game, two actors walked to the stage. Each was given a scarf to tuck into the back of his/her pants like a tail, and the goal was to grab the other actor's scarf and keep your own. In playing the game there had to be complicité the whole time; the actors needed to be connected and grounded in each other's eyes and work off of each other without one person steamrolling the thing too much. Once an actor grabbed the other's scarf, it became his turn to act in major. He could sing a song, perform a poem, say nonsense syllables, pretty much do anything as long as it was compelling and fun. He also had to taunt his partner (who would play in minor) with the scarf until Philippe indicated that the partner could try to get the scarf back. If the partner got the scarf back, then it became his/her turn to play in major. I liked this game so much because it became incredibly physical. It's a sport. When I was done the first time, Philippe said "Zis one is a bit primative, no? But ee ad good complicité and ee was fun, wasn't he?" This felt awesome, even if he called me "primative" because I tended to try the same scarf-getting tactics again and again with lots of energy and not many new ideas. Then when I did it again later with another partner who was TONS of fun (my first one was fun too though don't worry) he said again "good complicité, and you ad great fun."
The second exercise I loved was the next day, when we mimicked our classmates. One person would take the stage and just truthfully respond to questions Philippe would ask, some vulgar, some almost mundane, others quite interesting. When an actor felt ready, he/she could go up and stand next to the subject and begin to mimic. I cried from laughter during this exercise! My classmates were so funny! I also had a ton of fun mimicking this Argentinian woman who speaks fluent French. She responded to Philippe in French, not English. Philippe and lots of others didn't know that I can speak French, so when I started mimicking her French with a correct accent, also trying to get a bit of her Argentinian accent in there, I got some good laughs, and I played up her physical mannerisms and just had fun. When I was done, Philippe said "Ze fun was good, yes. And where did you learn to speak French? You speak good French." I sat back down on the bench with the others, and he turned to me again and said "it was good." Then after class he came up to me and said "why do you speak French?" I told him that in school we were given the option to study French or Spanish starting in sixth grade, and I chose French because I thought it sounded nicer. Again, he told me "you speak good French, yes."
That was a great week. It was really gratifying to finally feel like I was internalizing and owning the lessons of this place; that is that to perform well, you MUST have fun, you must connect with your scene partner(s), and you must SHARE the fun! Also, to have him validate those things felt pretty damn nice.
A few days later he brought me back down, though. We were doing a Greek chorus exercise, in which one leader performs whatever movements he/she feels like performing to the music Philippe has selected, and four or 6 or 10 people behind him/her mimic the movements exactly. This way a spontaneous ensemble is created. Well my group was six ladies with me in the back. We didn't do so well. I didn't do so well.
Philippe, as usual, was ready.
"STOP! Zat was AWFUL!" He pointed at me. "You! You look like a terrorist oo az died and gone to Allah and received is 72 virgins but az NO idea what to do wis zem!"
You win some, you lose some. More often, he's Dr. House.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Little More on Kung Fu
I don't entirely understand why, but lots of people are shocked when I tell them about what goes on in my kung fu class, not entirely because of how brutal it seems, but because there are women in the class and the same (generally, I'll get into that) is expected of them. That is to say the women get punched in the stomach too, the women also have to do three minute planks, and the women are just subject to all of the same things that the men are.
Recently the schedule of my class changed a bit in that on Mondays, Yseult's instruction is replaced by that of a lovely fellow named Emmanuel and another guy a little older than me but who is a second degree black sash (Yseult and Emmanuel are third degree black sashes). Let it go on the record that Yseult, who is a short, pretty blond woman who appears as the stereotype of what men find completely lacking in menace, routinely punches harder than Emmanuel, drives us harder than Emmanuel, and executes the technique with more devoted and concentrated intensity than Emmanuel. Emmanuel's great don't get me wrong, but Yseult is very, very powerful. It's funny to me/bizarre that so many people are so surprised that women can be subjected to these kinds of physical challenges and rise to them without breaking themselves. Uh, they can.
Oddly, though, sometimes the instructors, including Yseult, say things like "the men can do the planks ___ way, and if necessary, the women can do them this [slightly easier] way." However, the women pretty much never do them the easier way, and neither does Yseult, who can do planks supporting herself on two bent index fingers. Seriously. Bruce Lee stuff here. So there's kind of this weird option of a double standard that actually, people don't accept. Contradictions, contradictions. Oh well. But yeah, in summary, there are women in my class, and they too get punched and hit and stuff. I know my friends who may read this wouldn't be surprised by that and I wasn't, but for some reason I've encountered people who are really surprised.
Recently the schedule of my class changed a bit in that on Mondays, Yseult's instruction is replaced by that of a lovely fellow named Emmanuel and another guy a little older than me but who is a second degree black sash (Yseult and Emmanuel are third degree black sashes). Let it go on the record that Yseult, who is a short, pretty blond woman who appears as the stereotype of what men find completely lacking in menace, routinely punches harder than Emmanuel, drives us harder than Emmanuel, and executes the technique with more devoted and concentrated intensity than Emmanuel. Emmanuel's great don't get me wrong, but Yseult is very, very powerful. It's funny to me/bizarre that so many people are so surprised that women can be subjected to these kinds of physical challenges and rise to them without breaking themselves. Uh, they can.
Oddly, though, sometimes the instructors, including Yseult, say things like "the men can do the planks ___ way, and if necessary, the women can do them this [slightly easier] way." However, the women pretty much never do them the easier way, and neither does Yseult, who can do planks supporting herself on two bent index fingers. Seriously. Bruce Lee stuff here. So there's kind of this weird option of a double standard that actually, people don't accept. Contradictions, contradictions. Oh well. But yeah, in summary, there are women in my class, and they too get punched and hit and stuff. I know my friends who may read this wouldn't be surprised by that and I wasn't, but for some reason I've encountered people who are really surprised.
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